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The Crushing and Desperate Post One Woman Addicted to Pornography Shared Online

The Crushing and Desperate Post One Woman Addicted to Pornography Shared Online

This person wishes to remain anonymous. Please share your love and support.

“I’ve submitted this post anonymously so I can be the most vulnerable and raw, with the hope that I might receive some great advice and counsel from you all.

I am a 25-year-old woman who served a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints when I was 19. 

I’ve always been really active in the church and in the gospel. I feel peace when I’m doing what the Lord would have me do.

I’ve struggled with an addiction to pornography since I was a young girl. (If you’re a woman struggling with an addiction to Pornography check out LDS Women Pornography Addiction Support Group – it’s awesome!) 

However, that used to be really my only trial in life. I was doing everything else right; even if I was still struggling with my addiction.

Well, fast forward. It has gotten out of hand. I look at pornography at least once a day – but, sometimes more. 

My addiction has also led me to act out and now I’ve lost my virginity to a man that doesn’t even really like me. But, I continue to do it with him because 1) I like it and 2) My insecurities lead me to believe this might be my only opportunity to experience such things.

I don’t pray anymore – like at all. I feel like if I’m praying I’m just mocking God because I’m doing things that I know are wrong. I’m doing them intentionally.

Truth is, I feel absolutely and completely alone. How can I have the desire to do what is right again? 

Because currently, I don’t have the desire to try but I’m also aware of the eternal consequences if I don’t ‘shape up’. 

Please help me know what to do!”

What counsel and support who you offer this dear sister?

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Wednesday 11th of November 2020

Sister, From my own sad experience, I *promise* you that—when you are ready—God is going to be waiting with wide-open loving arms to help you in miraculous ways. Right now he loves you beyond imagining. Be loved. 💛🙏🏼


Wednesday 11th of November 2020

First - please know you are NOT alone. No matter how far away you feel from our Heavenly Father and our Savior, they are right there behind you. And as you work to draw closer to them, you will feel their presence.

I have been in your situation. I know your pain and your struggle, and I know what it feels like to feel unworthy to pray. This is not true. There is no depth that our Savior cannot reach. No matter how far you feel you have fallen, He will be there to rescue you.

The repentance process is long and difficult, but so worth it. I came home early off my mission due to my own mistakes. As I was in the MTC, the guilt ate me alive. But I had never felt better as I flew home. I had admitted to my mission president that I was not worthy to be on a mission, and And as a Melchizedek priesthood holder, I sat in front of a disciplinary council of my Stake Presidency and the High Council. I was terrified and crushed. But as I left that meeting, I felt so loved by my Savior, and by every single member of my leadership. The repentance process is a process of love, not a process of punishment.

So here are my recommendations for you. First, IMMEDIATELY end your relationship with this man. It's not healthy for either of you. As Elder Holland has said, if an inappropriate relationship has developed, sever it. If you're afraid, or if he reacts in an angry and violent way, you can always seek a restraining order or order of protection from your local police department. The temporary pleasure you may feel from the relationship with him will be far outweighed by the joy of repentance, and the loving relationship you will someday have with a worthy and righteous husband.

Second, call your Bishop. He can guide you to resources to help you. It may seem scary, and you may be afraid of being judged, but Bishops are blessed by our Heavenly Father to be able to see you how God and Jesus Christ see you. He will see your future potential and will be able to guide you in your repentance process.

Third, pick someone you love and who you know loves you dearly and you can trust and ask them to be your accountability partner. I did not end up marrying her, but I told my girlfriend at the time and my best friend. I was able to reach out to them when I was really struggling and felt I was going to screw up. They saved me so many times.

Fourth, whenever you fall, pick yourself right back up. I know failure is crushing and depressing. You will feel awful, especially if you've been doing well with avoiding the pornography and the other transgressions that usually accompany its usage. But that is the time you need to pray most. God will NEVER feel mocked by your prayer. Go to Him. Cry to Him. Ask Him for guidance and forgiveness.

Fifth - seek the aid of a therapist and a doctor. Sexual addiction can be linked to mental illness, or it may cause serious depression. A doctor can help you see if you need some help, and a therapist will help you learn skills to fight back against the influence of the adversary. If you are diagnosed with depression or some other mental illness, there is nothing wrong with that! You can heal, and you can recover! Sexual addiction is an addiction to the dopamine rush it gives, and your doctor and therapist can help you replace the negative dopamine rush with positive ones.

Find a way to get out of wherever you feel the most tempted. When you feel a temptation building, stop what you're doing. Go outside, take a walk, call a friend or a family member, drive to the church or the temple. Just a change of scenery can destroy temptation. Stay away as long as you need.

As long as you are fighting to the best of your ability, your addiction is nothing to be ashamed of. As long as you feel that righteous desire to be healed, you should not feel ashamed.

God is your father. First and foremost, His chief calling is his role as your Father in Heaven. No father wants their children to fall, but He knows that if He caught you every time you fell, you would never grow. He knows this battle you are facing, and He has angels waiting in the wings to help you fight this. If the veil could be removed from your eyes, you would see a veritable army just waiting for His command. All you need to do is ask! So please, ask!

Please, please, PLEASE remember you are loved. Your Heavenly Father loves you so much more than you will ever know! You are his beloved daughter, and you are beautiful and have so much potential! You are a Princess, and inside you, you have the potential for all the nobility and righteousness that entails!

You will fight, and you will fall. Heavenly Father will reach out every. Single. Time. And He will lift you up every single time. He will hold your hand until you learn to walk again and you have beaten this sexual addiction. And once you have repented fully, Heavenly Father will show you that you not only have learned how to walk in faith again, you will have learned to fly.

So pray. Please pray. The Savior has taken our sins upon Him, and has provided us a way to repent. And repentance, my beloved heavenly sister, is joyous and wonderful. As Alma said in chapter 36:

18 Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am bin the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

19 And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

20 And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!

21 Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.

I have walked in your shoes, and I know the joy of repentance. But far more importantly, our Savior has walked in your shoes. His hand is stretched out still!

I implore you - once you are done reading this, PRAY! I PROMISE, God will help you break free, no matter how long it takes!

You are in my prayers.

Jennifer Bremner

Tuesday 1st of December 2020

@Adam, Your reply to this sweet young woman is amazing. I'm sure there are many young adults who are who have are in the same situation as she is. any of my own children could be. If we as sinners could just believer and know that a loving Heavenly Father is waiting to heal us and bless us. He just needs to know we want to be healed and blessed. Thank you for offering what she needed! Most who have addictions don't know where to begin the repentance and healing process. God Bless You for giving her a starting point!